


Desire For All That Is Lost

by Ventillian



Category: Tales of Graces
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asbel in a dress, Asbel/Richard - Freeform, Ass Play, Blowjobs, But i kinda like it, Eventual Smut, First archive fanfic, Fluff and Smut, Gay, I promise, M/M, Older Characters, Richard with longer hair!, Rimming, but im not sure anymore, completely different direction from where i wanted, i dont know what happened, it grew a mind of its own, possible crossdressing, there will be smut, this is gonna be fun guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 10:01:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9435134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ventillian/pseuds/Ventillian
Summary: Richard is grasping at straws to keep Asbel at his side, hurt by the haunted look in his gaze as they spend time together and unable to be together publicly, Asbel is quickly beginning to drift away. BUT why? Richard doesn't know.Asbel has learned something he wished he didn't. He knows a secret and Richard is keeping it from him whether he knows it or not and Asbel now distances himself, afraid of being hurt when and if Richard finally tells him, figuring he'd rather be hurt less when he's told than hurt more by staying close.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys IDK what happened but this really took a mind of its own and started to get kinda angsty and sad. i dont write angst so im super surprised by this. I hope you all enjoy it and point grammar or spelling out that i missed despite prereading and editing. We're gonna try to get Asbel in a dress. Please comment they make my day.

The soft wavering breath against his neck…

 

The gentle rise and fall of a slick chest beneath his own…

 

The soft call of his name… “ _ Richard…” _

 

A pleading voice of desperation…

 

The wisps of pleasure settling into crystal eyes drawn down with ebony lashes in need.

 

The soft and pliant lips that tasted of apples and sopheria’s…

 

The slender hips that he couldn’t help but rub his thumbs into…

 

The sweet song in which Asbel would sing beneath his thundering chest as their hips rocked back and forth...

 

They were fading. 

 

Richard glared balefully into the mostly empty throne room from his seat of gilded gold and ruby velvet. His fingers itched and scratched at the armrest with dissatisfaction and frustration as the man in front of him presented his daughter for courting; a young girl with soft blonde hair that fell over breasts far too large and down a waist far too strung. Her lips were a light dust pink and her hair pinned with dark tahitian pearls.  Her dress was an ensemble of dusted rose and rich black; white lilies embroidered all over the three main tiers of her dress. .

 

She was lovely but Richard wasn’t interested in her whatsoever. He couldn’t help but pull his eyes away as the image of Asbel holding a large bouquet of sopheria flowers came to him. Asbel’s smile was radiant in his mind’s eye and he couldn’t help but long for the Lord in that moment and wish that they were together alone rather than a small sea apart. 

 

His gaze returned to the young girl and her father who chatted amiably, unnoticing Richards lack of attention. Far too young for Richard anyway, she was maybe 17 to his 25? She noticed his inattention though and she smiled privately to herself. Ophelia if he recalled her name correctly. 

 

Eventually when the man had finished his presentation, Richard was expected to nod and smile, then present her with the offer to take a short stroll with him in the palace gardens to see if she could possibly be a candidate for queen. When he did so, it was with a pack of distant guards around so that they might chat privately. 

 

As they walked, Richard noticed the overcast of fluffy white clouds hovering in the sky playfully. The birds sang and fluttered around and the white crisp fluff reminded Richard of Asbel but these days, what didn’t? They reminded him again of his playful smile, the soft brushing of fingertips beneath tables, the fluttering of his white cloak during their nightly walks when Asbel was by his side, of the softness of Asbel’s kiss...

 

“Your Highness?” Richard turned his distant sky bent gaze towards Ophelia, rich eyes of molten gold peering at her questioningly. The twittering of birds seemed to prolong the silence. The young maiden smiled up at him and asked,    
  


“Is she beautiful?”    
  
The king was stumped and lost for words. Asbel was not a she, but he did not hesitate to tell her honestly, “Yes, very much so.” 

 

Ophelia’s grin widened and she too looked up at the sky. “I can tell. The way you gaze upon the sky, I can tell you’re thinking of her. I've always dreamt of having someone look at me the way you look into your thoughts. I hope one day someone will look upon me with such a loving gaze when I am in their presence or thoughts as you do to the one who holds your heart.” 

She sighed and placed her hands upon her breast with a smile on her lips. “To think; a king would gaze upon such a visage of beauty for his expression to be just so; she must be flawless and striking. I envy her, not for your status but for your clear devotion. Do you see her often? Why is she not you’re queen?” 

 

Richard was shocked by such brash and sudden questions being asked of him. His gaze fell and he regretted that he must appear to her as if he wore his heart upon his lace sleeve. 

“No. We are of different…” He looked upon Ophelia’s lovely face and saw eyes that were filled with kindness. “We cannot be together. I have known...them for all of my life. When I do see them, I am always so busy and... our moments together are far too short when I am able to get away. I feel as if… our time is fleeting.”    
  
Ophelia mulled this over a moment, her brow quirked in confusion as a strange thought must have struck her. Her bright eyes which were momentarily glazed over, filled with clarity and her head shot up. She looked upon her king with a strange kind of awe and shock. For a moment there was disgust but it quickly vanished when another realization came upon her and her heart clenched with compassion for her king and his lover.

 

“I think… If  _ they  _ gaze upon the sky with you in their thoughts the way you do of them, I think everything will work out for you Your Highness. You just need to have faith in your love.” Richard nodded and he held out his arm for her to take. She did so with a pleased smile and as she looped her arm into his, her smile turned into one of kindness and faith in which she directed to her king. She patted his hand congenially and they continued their stroll.   


 

* * *

  
  
  
Asbel sat silently at his work desk mulling over letters and paperwork. He had spent the last few hours at his desk fulfilling wishes, demands and negotiating with his townspeople. Sophie was currently out with Cheria collecting items for Asbel while he worked. Even though Cheria and he had not been together for many years, she still lived in the manor with him when she was not out around the world healing and keeping it safe during battles. He was thankful for her visit because it gave him a break from Sophie; not that he was tired of her or- Asbel shook his head and frowned. He just had a lot of paperwork to do and uncharacteristically as it sounded, he wanted to get ahead of schedule so that maybe he could go visit Richard.   
  


His heart began to quicken and then slowed down. “Richard…” Asbel sighed as he stood from his chair and tossed his quill. He stepped towards one of the many windows and pressed his hand against it, gazing upon the flowers. 

 

After Cheria and he had decided it wasn’t working out, he had come to Richard unannounced for advice. The king was always more than happy to see him. When they were finally alone after the king’s busy day, Asbel had broke down, his heterochromatic eyes thick with tears. He didn’t know what to do! He had promised Cheria his world but he had been unable to give it to her like she so deserved and he felt  **_guilty_ ** because he didn’t love her the way either of them wanted to.

 

Richard had held him long into the night, rocking him back and forth, Asbel hiccuped and pulled away gently, “I’m sorry, I got tears and snot all over your cravat.” Richard smiled warmly down at Asbel and pulled the material away from his neck, refolding it and wiping away Asbel’s tears before tossing it in a random direction. “It’s quite alright Asbel. Everyone needs to have a good cry sometimes.” Asbel’s puffy eyes looked up into warm thick honey dew pools and suddenly lips connected. The moment was completely wrong and both of the men were shocked; neither knowing how it had happened, who had leaned up or down but before Asbel could pull away, Richard bit into Asbel’s lip, causing a gasp which left his mouth open enough for Richard to lick roughly into Asbel’s mouth; both with a shuddering groan.

 

And that’s how it had begun.    
  
As time and years passed, their budding romantic relationship grew into a deeply rooted love- or at least that’s how Asbel felt. He loved Richard, loved him the way he should have loved Cheria. And he had told her this. When he first woke up she had smacked him again and then when he awoke a second time, he flinched at her presence but she had been calm and they talked it out.

 

But one day while at the castle visiting, Richard had left Asbel in his study to amuse himself while he quickly attended a short meeting of some kind, of which he did not relay Asbel with details. As Asbel snooped around curiously through the bookshelves, something shiny caught his attention. It had been a pen; something new which Asbel was only vaguely familiar with. It was encrusted with diamonds and Cheria had once told him that the pen had ink inside of it, they didn’t need to be dipped. Beneath the pen lay a strange folder of sorts. 

 

Asbel frowned and as he opened it he could hear the crack his heart made. It was a courting application, a pretty slender girl with raven black hair pulled up into a neat bun with long tendrils falling over her shoulders, blue roses and feathers pinned to the side of the bun. She was so lovely and strikingly beautiful that Asbel was filled with a sudden emotion - one he had felt only momentarily when he had met Lambda. He didn’t know what it was but it made him sick and  **_this was why Richard had left_ ** … this girl… she was  **_here_ ** and she was candidate number 7 in application for a meeting to meet the King to possibly be queen. He couldn’t breathe and his heart hammered and his eyes were wide and beady with betrayal and  **_hurt._ ** Asbel slammed it shut and placed it back where it had been. He grabbed the pen, jotted down a note for Richard and bolted from the study. 

 

He clashed into a young maid who was highly concerned by his clear distress. It wasn’t often one didn’t see Asbel with a smile and he was clearly not smiling. In fact she watched with absolute shock as a tear rolled down his face as he quickly helped her pick up her lot and bolted from her without a word. 

 

She stared after him but Asbel didn’t care. Asbel wasn’t aware of this but when Richard later returned to find Asbel missing, the maid had knocked and stepped in without permission and relayed what she had seen after apologizing for her brash behavior. Richard had been a little shocked after she excused herself but he had been at a loss for words. What could have made Asbel leave like that?   
  
Asbel himself was coming back to reality and he blinked away his inner turmoil. That had been almost a year ago. Every time he returned to Barona and was held in his kings arms, he asked himself if this was the last time. 

He asked himself why Richard hadn’t said anything. Did… he not love Asbel like Asbel loved him? That would just be his luck. Every time he returned to the capital, he slowly grew more and more distant. He had to for his own self preservation - it would hurt less when Richard told him (even though he already knew) if there was only a thread between them anyway. 

 

Asbel looked up into the sky and pressed his hand upon the glass. Suddenly, a jovial and high spirited laugh was in the distance and Asbel turned towards the door as Sophie walked in with Cheria. Cheria was smiling but as she looked at Asbel, who smiled a weak and false one back, she wondered to herself, when did Asbel become so haunted?

 

* * *

 

It had been a very long time since Cheria had stepped into Windor Castle, let alone stepped onto the land of the capital itself. She brushed he skirt and pulled her long ponytail tighter as the guards behind her talked softly. “Lady Cheria,” Dalen said warmly. “It is wonderful to see you in such good health. Do you seek the king?” Cheria nodded calmly. “He is just finishing up his meeting with the Lady Ophelia of Elinor.” Almost on cue, Richard came into view as a lovely woman in pink was escorted away by whom Cheria assumed was her father based on the resemblance and age difference by looks.

  
“Cheria!” Richard smiled widely and walked swiftly to her, his grace unchanged from when she saw him last. His hair now reached his torso and was pulled into a long braid that spilled over his shoulder, a rich green cloak fastened around his kingly attire with a sapphire. His cravat had a sapphire pinned to it's center as well to match. His shoulders were much broader and he looked much stronger than the last time she had seen him. 

 

“You look simply radiant Cheria,” he took her hand and placed a kiss onto her knuckles. She blushed and gave him a pleased smile. Richard turned to Dalen. “Cancel my next meeting. I must entertain Windor’s finest mediwitch.” Dalen looked slightly uncomfortable with the thought of having to do such a thing but he nodded anyway. Richard held out his arm for her and she took it.    
  
Richard looked back to Cheria with a happy smile, one she had hopped to see again one day the last time they spoke. “Tell me, how has the institution doing? How was the voyage to Carnigard?”   
  
As Cheria regaled the king of the medical institution she had built and her adventures, she was led to a large balcony and a luncheon was served to her to her pleased surprise. Eventually when she had finished, silence reigned over them comfortably as Richard continued to smile at her proudly. “I’ve been thinking to increase the funding to your school. With the growing number of students, I think it would be best to expand the building and update the equipment in the facility.” 

 

Although this made her heart soar, she set down her empty teacup. “Richard… As happy as I am to be here discussing all of this with you… It’s not why I came.” Richard looked to her surprised and then slightly disappointed. But then he became curious. 

 

“Richard… Is something going on between you and Asbel?” Richard was so struck by the inquiry he spilled his tea all over himself. “Why… why on earth would you… would you ask that?” The shock and surprise in his voice was clearly evident. He already knew that she  **_knew_ ** about his and Asbel’s relationship but to ask such a thing out of the blue surprised him immensely.    
  
She squirmed a bit in her seat before she sighed. “Asbel… he isn’t doing well. When was the last time he was here?” The man winced and she could almost hear his heart clench. “Almost two months ago…” Cheria looked flabbergasted by such a thought let alone by such a fact. “Richard… have you even wrote him?” Richard looked put on the spot. “Ive written him a thousand letters, sent maybe two or three. I’ve thought to leave and go to Lhant but…” His features fell and no longer was he the king, but a flustered and sad little boy. 

Then he became fierce and angry. 

“I don’t understand! He hardly talks to me when he’s here it's like he’s just… just… so lost! Like he can’t even bear to look at me and it's  _ killing  _ me Cheria _ it’s  _ **_killing_ ** _ me _ ! I just don't understand! It’s like…. I don't even know! When I touch him it’s almost like he’s going to shatter.” He looked at her imploringly and there was such hurt in his eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I feel like he’s fading away from me… like he’s slipping from between my fingertips and  **_IJUSTDON’TKNOWWHATTODO!_ ** ” Richard heaved and he rubbed at his eyes and his brows. 

“I’m sorry… It just… I’m so lost Cheria. I have no one else I can talk to this about and I just…” He looked up into the sky and he gave a watery smile. “Everytime I see something beautiful… I see him. I see him smiling at me and I see him whispering to me. But the smile is falling and the whisper ceases in my ear and I’m grasping at straws…”    
  
Cheria’s heart squeezed for Richard. She knew exactly how he felt. Asbel was stunning in his own way and innocent and beautiful and she knew how hard it was feeling like he was drifting away. Richard gave her a look and he knew what he was thinking. He was silently apologizing to her. 

She shook her head before a sudden thought came to her. “Who was that girl earlier. Dalen said her name was Lady Ophelia?” Richard rose from scrubbing at his face. “She’s a candidate to be…” A look of absolute horror washed over his features and he paled considerably.    
  
“A candidate to be…?” Richard looked at her with almost the same haunted look Asbel had, had yesterday afternoon but this one was filled with alarm and desperation. “A candidate to be Queen.” It all suddenly clicked to Cheria. Everything fell into place. Asbel’s strange behavior, his closed off presense, the silence. Then another puzzle piece suddenly didn’t fit. “How long have you been meeting with these candidates?” Silence. They both said it. Perfect sync. “Almost a year.” 

 

Cheria suddenly stood up from her chair. “If you weren’t the King I would smack you! Shame on you Richard, shame! Shame on you! I can’t even… oh my god! You  **_idiot!_ ** Normally I’d give this lecture to Asbel!” Cheria began to rant at the shocked king before she abruptly stopped and shoved a finger in his face. “I understand that you’re hurting. I’ve been in your place before. But you make this right Richard and you make this right, right now.” She collected herself, breathed in deeply and was calm. She huffed in the way she always has and walked off, leaving a stunned king in her wake. Richard too stood after a while in shocked silence. A grim sort of determination set in his features as he too briskly walked away from the balcony.   


 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys please leave comments so i know you're reading and want more. Let me hear your ideas too! This will probably be two or three more chapters, maybe even four. I'm so excited


End file.
